Do I Really Need a Cemetery?
In today’s world, it is becoming increasingly common for people to question the need for cemetery property at all. With cremation continuing to grow in appeal, for many different reasons, it’s given way to the feeling that one doesn’t need to be buried, “just scatter me somewhere” or a loved one has difficulty letting go and just keeps the ashes at home. Either of these are reasonable options in the moment but one of our Family Advisors relayed a story to me and it really made me wonder if they were truly good options. It made me stop and think….
The story starts with three siblings contacting one of our properties in Northeast Pennsylvania.
They have the ashes of their parents and were looking to find a place to preserve their parents’ memory as well as memorialize their life and love. George and Evelyn were married for 50 years when George passed away suddenly. Evelyn wanted to keep him close, just as she had when he was alive. Their marriage had been a beautiful, sometimes challenging, journey. In the end, it was their love for each other that had carried them through the highs and lows of life.
When Evelyn passed away a few years later, their children—Claire, Daniel, and Margaret—found themselves facing an unexpected dilemma. Evelyn had never made her final wishes known. The urn, now with two sets of ashes, was placed in the same spot on the mantel where George had been for all these years. The children gathered around it in their family home. The decision was not an easy one for any of them. Thoughts ranged from keeping them with one sibling or finding a way to share them between the siblings. None of them felt strongly about the idea of keeping their parents but did feel the need to keep them both together no matter what.
With the requirement of keeping them together, they began thinking about where that could be done so that they all would agree as a family. One of them suggested a cemetery but none of them had ever heard either parent talk about a cemetery, much less being in one. The three siblings sat in silence; the weight of the decision was heavy between them. Each of them had their own ideas about what would be best but they couldn’t come to an agreement. Claire wanted to honor their parents' wishes, even though they had never been spoken aloud. Daniel wanted to ensure that future generations would remember the sacrifices and love their parents had shared. Margaret simply wanted to keep the family together, feeling that dividing the ashes would only make it harder to let go.
Weeks passed and the conversation remained unresolved. It wasn’t until Claire discovered an old photo album in a corner of the attic that things began to shift. The album held memories of their parents, of their wedding, their travels, their children’s milestones. It was this album that broke the impasse. Claire, holding it tightly in her hands, knew what they had to do. "We need to find a place where we can visit, a place that will carry their love, not just as a memory, but as something that will grow, something for the generations to come."
The siblings gathered again, this time with a sense of unity. They decided to find a cemetery, a quiet, peaceful place where their parents could rest side-by-side, memorialized for future generations. They also knew they couldn’t simply bury the urn and walk away. They wanted something special, something that spoke of the love their parents had shared for so many years.
They found our cemetery not far from where the family used to spend summers on the lake with areas of mature forest, views of the mountains and of a lake. It was the perfect place for their parents to be together. They knew that years later, they could take their own children to the cemetery, where they would stand by the memorial and remember. They would tell stories about their parents' love, their wisdom and their laughter and even after death, their legacy would continue to shape their family.
This story made me remember all the people I’ve interacted with that just want to be “scattered” in their favorite location. It sounds reasonable until you think about the finality of that act and the inability to then have a place for loved ones to remember and reconnect with those that have passed.
